I’m not going to my sister’s wedding because my daughter is not a flower girl

A woman has taken to Reddit after a dispute over her sister Clara’s wedding left her questioning whether she should attend at all.

In the post, she said that she and her daughter, Lily, 6 years old, have always been close to Clara.

But since she was stripped of such an important role, would it be wrong to abandon ship entirely?

A broken promise

“Clara first told Lily she could be a flower girl and Lily has been talking enthusiastically about her ‘big role’ at the wedding ever since,” she said in the post.

“However, last week, Clara called to tell me she changed her mind. She decided to only have her fiance’s nieces as flower girls because they are from a very traditional family and their involvement would please his family.”

The poster said that she tried to explain to Clara how much the role meant to Lily and that Lily had started calling it ‘our wedding’ when she talked about it. However, that wasn’t enough – leading him to make a big decision.

“Clara said she felt really bad, but her future in-laws were very persistent and it would make things easier for the family dynamic. “I got upset and told Clara that if Lily doesn’t get involved as she promised, then none of us will attend the wedding,” she wrote.

“Now, Clara is upset, saying I’m being unreasonable and using Lily to manipulate her decision. My parents think I should let it go and not miss Clara’s big day for something like this. I feel torn because while I don’t want to miss my sister’s wedding, I don’t want to teach Lily that it’s okay for people to break their promises to her.”

‘This is how villains are made!’

Many commentators said the woman had the right not to attend the wedding, saying it was unacceptable to break a promise in this way.

“Promises, especially for children, should not be taken lightly. Lily was looking forward to this, and it’s hard to explain to a child why he’s suddenly not involved. It’s not just about the wedding; it’s about keeping your word,” said one.

“I would tell Clara that she needs to explain to your daughter, with you and your parents present, why she is no longer the flower girl. Make him the bad guy and don’t let him set it up for you,” said another.

“You’re not asking the world here, just for your daughter to be included as promised. It’s not about the wedding itself, but about showing Lily that her feelings and promises mean something. If Clara was so determined about this change, she should have thought about how it would affect your daughter’s excitement. This situation is not about manipulation, it is about keeping promises and respecting family. Whether Clara is willing to let this slide is up to her, but you’re not wrong to stick to your guns,” agreed a third.

“Promising a 6-year-old a big moment and then taking it back? This is how villains are made in origin stories. You’re not skipping the wedding for the ‘drama’; you are protecting your daughter and showing her that her feelings matter. Clara might want to rethink how she manages the family dynamic because this is not a plot twist,” another commenter agreed.

Some even asked where this ‘tradition’ came from.

“Traditionally, the bridesmaid comes from the bride’s side of the family – and the groom’s from his side. So what tradition,” asked one commenter.

“What exactly does ‘a traditional family’ mean?” Are you a lesbian and that’s why they don’t want you there? Are you divorced or had it “out of wedlock” and they are against single mothers? Or do they only care about their family?” asked another.

“What tradition is there that only the groom’s arm can be flower girls? her little kids passing flowers around, not an unrelenting tradition,” agreed a third.

“I’ve never heard of this kind of tradition that excludes the bride’s family before?” another commenter said.

‘Children must learn to deal with disappointment’

However, many also said that she was being unreasonable by refusing to attend her sister’s wedding at all over the matter.

“Your frustration is understandable as Clara promised Lily the role, and breaking that promise is hurtful. However, skipping the wedding altogether can escalate the situation unnecessarily. It’s worth having a calm conversation with Clara to express your feelings and find a compromise, but at the end of the day, it’s her wedding and decisions like this, while frustrating, are hers to make.” , one commenter said.

“You have to let him decide what he’s going to do for the wedding. Yes, it’s an unfortunate situation, but she’s put herself in a difficult situation and she made a worthwhile decision,” agreed another.

“Children must learn to deal with disappointment. It’s your sister’s wedding and she can do whatever she wants. I would explain to your daughter that you know she is disappointed, but she will be attending the wedding and may be able to take photos. You’re making it more traumatic for him,” said a third.

“Weddings are stressful enough, it’s not worth making it worse. Your six-year-old won’t remember or care if you don’t make it a drama,” said another.

“You may choose to teach Lily another lesson. A lesson in kindness and support, not a lesson in being the main character in other people’s decisions or events,” another commenter agreed.

“Sometimes people make choices we don’t like that affect us and even break their promises. We must choose to go nuclear, or to be loving, kind and supportive. Is it really that big of a deal? Is splitting Lily and Clara really worth a 2 minute event (throwing flower petals in the hallway)? Wouldn’t Lily benefit more from a lifelong relationship with Clara?”

Many also suggested a simple solution – allowing all girls to participate.

“If he wanted, he could have all his nieces as flower girls. I went to a beautiful wedding where every child under ten was a flower child. This isn’t for everyone, but it was beautiful for that special wedding,” one commenter suggested.

“She could easily include all the nieces – that’s a simple and thoughtful solution,” said another.

“An easy compromise for your sister would have been to have two flower girls, one on each side. It really doesn’t cost anything extra,” agreed a third.